I took the gigantic bite out of each doughnut which our main industrial supplies vendor left you, then I re-boxed them neatly and left them next to the coffee pot for you to discover.
I spit the un-chewd bites into the trash next to the coffee pot, I'm glad you actually saw them!
You had an OCD fueled, managerial meltdown, the likes of which I've never seen! After days wasted on your maintenance staff inquisition, it’s a pitty your lengthy investigation process was so completely fruitless!
In the 10 months that have passed since this happened, you have not passed up an opportunity to express your rage about this, even when the opportunity had to be manufactured.
Your tales of treachery at the coffee pot sound like bitter tears of defeat to me, and they taste so sweet, even after 10 months!